There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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