i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
