I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
