well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
