I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
