fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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