He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
