also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
