She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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