I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
