Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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