What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
