Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
