I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
