what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
