isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
