I haven't been this sober since birth.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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