youre lurking in front of me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
