So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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