i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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