I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
