I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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