Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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