Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
