I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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