With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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