i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
