I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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