I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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