I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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