She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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