he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
