his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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