Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
