At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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