Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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