Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
