Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
