so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
