Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
