we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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