HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
