What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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