dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
