So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
