I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
