Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
