You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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