i was born a porn star she said
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
