I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
