do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
