dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize