standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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