the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
