I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
